Prayer First

A number of years ago, my good friend's daughter ran away. She was 18 years old and was last seen in the French Quarter of New Orleans.

He and I were talking on the phone late one night and I mentioned to him that I was taking a group of students on a mission trip to the New Orleans area. He asked if I would look for his daughter when we were in the French Quarter during that week. Of course, I promised I would, knowing that the chances of seeing her would be slim.

We spent several nights in the French Quarter that week and I kept my eyes open for his daughter as we ministered to the homeless. Our final night, I left our group in the hands of capable adults and walked alone through the French Quarter looking for her.

After half an hour, I sat down on a low brick wall frustrated. I prayed, "God, since I can't seem to find her, please let her find me."

Amazingly enough within five minutes, she walked right past me, turned and looked, did a double-take, and came to talk to me. We talked for a few minutes as I tried to ask every question that her parents would want me to ask. The news was good: she had a place to live and a job. She looked clean and healthy and in good spirits. I told her that she needed to call her parents. She said she would...soon.

I watched her walk away into the night as I reached for my cell phone. I talked to both of her parents at the same time as I told them what happened. Through tears, they thanked me for the call.

As I sat and watched the people walk by, I was convinced of the power of prayer.

I thought of James 5:16, "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

Like so many other times, I trusted in my own power and then prayed only when I had no other choices. What would our lives be like if we prayed first before we moved in our own strength?

May we all commit to pray first and wait for God to give us the right direction.

Life in a Box

This past Tuesday, I took my daughter Michaela to Memphis to visit with my father and his wife Rose and to attend a University of Memphis basketball game at the FedEx Forum. Memphis beat up cupcake Southeast Missouri State 87-57. Go Tigers!

After a wonderful lunch at the Spaghetti Factory downtown, we went back to my Dad's house to hang out for the rest of the afternoon. After a few minutes, my Dad disappeared into the attic and brought out a box of family pictures from my childhood, a box of childhood memento's, and a box of my mother's stuff from her life.

For the next three hours, we dug through piles of pictures. We found all kinds of pictures...school pictures, graduation pictures, family reunion pictures, wedding pictures, and more.

Also in the box was an envelope of childhood pictures of my mother and pictures of her as a teenager with her friends. She probably had 50 school pictures given to her by friends in high school. Pictures of my mother are rare as she didn't like to have her picture taken in her older years.

In the box of her "stuff", we found her high school annuals and notebooks she had kept from her days of work and mothering. Glancing through this box was an interesting look into the past of my mother.

It occurred to me as I sat on the floor knee deep in memories that the whole of my mother's earthly memories was stored in a small cardboard box.

This got me thinking about the legacy we leave. My mother died in March 2000 and all of her personal stuff is gathering dust in a cardboard box in an attic in Bartlett, Tennessee.

Yet, though she is gone, her legacy lives on through her two sons.



My mother loved reading, music, civil war history, and her boys. She poured her life into us until she got sick in my later teenage years. I am a product of her love and patience. There were times when she was the only person who stood by my side.

I know that one day, my life will be reduced to a box...a box filled with my memories, my accomplishments, my writings...but my legacy will be passed on to my own children who will live out the life I poured into them in larger-than-life ways.



What legacy will Kelley and I leave these treasures entrusted to us by God? What legacy will you leave?

May our legacies always be, like my mother's, bigger than a small cardboard box.

Christmas Video 2009 - Merry Christmas!

It's Not as Easy as It Seems

In November, I had the privilege of officiating my brother-in-law Kevin's wedding in Chattanooga. I am sure you have already read Kelley's blog about that weekend so I won't recount the details.

A few weeks before the wedding, Kevin and I met one afternoon to talk over the ceremony and about life in general. It was the first time he and I had ever seriously talked since I met Kelley 20 years ago.

He told me that he knew only two couples who were happy in their marriage and that Kelley and I were one of these two. He shared that most of his friends are either divorced or miserable and that Kelley and I just seemed to have an amazing marriage.

When I shared with him that Kelley and I had experienced some really painful rough spots in our 17 years of marriage, he seemed genuinely shocked. He said that, from the outside looking in, we seemed to always be happy and deeply connected.

The problem is...marriage is not as easy as it seems from first glance...as most of you probably already know. When Kelley and I were married at 20 and 21, we were young and inexperienced in life in general.

Psychologists say that most people completely change every 7-8 years. By the time Kelley and I were 29 and 28, life was radically different that those romantic days during our first years of marriage. We had 2 children, Benjamin and Michaela; we had moved away from friends and family to pursue new ministry challenges in Florida; and I still had some growing up to do.

In the midst of trying to adjust to family life, trying to make ends meet while working through seminary, and trying to accomplish everything else...a major disconnect threatened to grow between us.

Gone were the days of staying up til 3am watching movies and sleeping til noon. This was replaced by listening to a baby scream at 3am and 4am and 5am and long days of work and ministry disappointment.

I think that all couples face this same type of crisis as they grow older together in life. Instead of fighting through the changes and the stress and the challenges, some just quit and walk away rather than trying to work through it..

During this time of struggle, we got pregnant again...this time with Luke. Then, when Kelley was about 7 months pregnant, we moved again. With this move, we had moved 5 different times in the first 8 years of our marriage.

Immediately, we knew this new ministry field was going to be harder than we thought. Maybe it had something to do with moving on September 11, 2001?

It was during the next year and a half that life came unravelled.

I remember sitting in my church office one morning paralyzed with fear and discouragement. I walked back home for lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon following Kelley from room to room trying to break through her "silence". It worked but it was ugly...and much of it was hard to hear. We ended up on the couch, me holding Kelley, sitting in total silence.

Those conversations and the ones we had in the weeks that followed fueled a renewal in our marriage and lives that many of you see the fruits of today.

I learned that life together is not as easy as it seems and that you have to fight for the things you love the most. I needed to grow up and give all I had to our family and marriage instead of the church...which took some adjustments, but now is just a part of who we are.

During our rough times (in fact, never in 17 years), neither one of us ever mentioned or considered divorce as an option.

I think every couple should ask themselves this question:

Since we are going to live the rest of our days together, shouldn't we be happy together? Shouldn't our family be a place of joy and excitement?

That is what I wanted and still want for our lives together.

By the way, Gabe is the direct result of our renewed passion for our life together.

Here is a picture of us together in our early 30's.

Fortunately, I have gotten away from churches that make me wear suits and ties and Kelley dresses. Hmm, I can't remember the last time I saw Kelley in a full dress. She just loves her jeans and shirts.

So...for all you giving me guy "points" for all the sweet blogs I have been writing about my wife and children, I just wanted you to know that my love and passion for Kelley and our family has been born out of the "valley of affliction" in my own life.

I know what I have waiting for me when I drive home from work tonight, and I have no intention of trying to "play it cool" when I talk about my feelings for Kelley and my children.

17 years into our marriage, the gift of my wife and kids is so far beyond my wildest dreams that I had as a teenager. Holding on and flourishing may not be as easy as it seems, but it is worth it.

The Things We Do For Love

I have never been to a costume party. That's right...never, that is until tonight.

Even though I am 39 years old, I have managed to avoid dressing up for a party my entire life. When I was a teenager, I wasn't secure enough in my own skin, let alone a goofy outfit for a party.

As an adult, I always have control of my own choices...and I have always chosen to avoid costumes.

Well, times change and we have children. These children start growing up and want to have costum parties...and as a dad you have to be supportive.

Tonight, we celebrated Michaela's 11th birthday with a big costume party up at church. She invited a bunch of friends from the 4th, 5th, and 6th grade classes at church. Here is what the group looked like...

Our family dressed up as Peter Pan characters with Michaela being the star of the show, Peter Pan. I was Captain Hook, Kelley was Wendy, Sarah was Tinker Bell, Ben and Jaden were John and Michael Darling, and Luke and Gabe were the Lost Boy pirates.

As you can imagine, Kelley worked tirelessly to make sure every detail was perfect...and it was.

In lieu of presents, Michaela asked all the girls to bring money to buy goats for families in 3rd world countries. At the end of the night, the girls raised over $250 which, paired with a donation from a family who was unable to attend, will purchase 4 goats through World Vision!!

I have to admit, the party was a bunch of fun. We ate pizza and other snacks, danced the Cupid Shuffle, the Cha Cha Slide, and the Electric Slide, played a bunch of fun games, and, of course, ate birthday cupcakes.

And I was Captain Hook. I had to go into Domino's Pizza looking like this.

It seems to me the girls in my life make my life a lot more interesting. Kelley always has a way of getting what she wants.

Now it seems my oldest daughter does as well.

I wonder what Sarah we be able to get me to do when her time comes.

I had some late night work to do and was sitting up thinking about how blessed I am as a husband as a father. Since I am still on a caffeine/sugar high, I thought I would tell everyone about our night.

Twenty years ago you couldn't have paid me to dress up. I felt very uncomfortable and awkward around groups of people and was usually just hoping to make it through the night as just plain old me.

Yet tonight, I would have done anything for my beautiful daughter and her amazing mother. She looks more and more like Kelley each year, which you guys know, for me, is a really good thing.

Eleven years ago, Kelley and I could have never imagined what that little girl would bring into our lives.

Today, I am amazed by her generous selfless spirit and her love for her Savior. I am the only one in our family who calls her Kayla (though Gabe does call her Mu-Kay-u-duh) Every once in a while, I try to imagine what she will be like as a grown woman, but for now I will hold onto the little girl that she still is...sort of.

Happy Birthday, Kayla. I love you for who you are and for the beautiful woman you are becoming.

Our first year together

When Kelley and I were married, we were really only kids. Looking back on it now, I can clearly see why her parents were more than apprehensive about us striking out on our own. We had absolutely no money, one car that my Dad gave me right before we got married, and we were both still in school.

We really didn't follow the new trend of both people being completely out of college, already owning homes, and living a life on their own before marriage. I slept in the twin bed I grew up in the night before I got married and after the honeymoon, I gave my mom the keys to the cars and the front door of my childhood home as I moved out.

I moved Kelley out of her dorm room and into our new 1 bedroom apartment in UT married student housing. Our rent was $245/month and my graduate GTA position paid about $750/month. Kelley worked weekends at the hospital to supplement our income, but we still lived on very little money.

You might think that this was recipe for disaster, but I would argue the opposite.

First, we had no debt. We were simply too young to have any debt. Financially, there was absolutely no room for error, so we learned how to stretch our meager incomes farther each month without using credit cards that we wouldn't afford to use. This has been an important part of our marriage together as God blessed us with more over the years.

We also learned that some of the best things in life are free.

Secondly, there was the concern that I had "never sown my wild oats" and it would be only be a matter of time before I would grow restless in my marriage and run off to a life of drunkenness and debauchery.

Never happened, and it wouldn't have even if I wasn't married.

Because Kelley and I had committed our lives together and our marriage to Christ, I think we had a different mindset from the beginning. I desired then and have an even greater desire today to honor God in my marriage and relationship with Kelley. I would have to betray my Savior in order to betray her, and I love both my Savior and my wife far too much.

Third, we had very few distractions. We were both attending school full-time. Kelley was entering her junior year of college and I was beginning my first year of graduate school.

Most evenings consisted of date nights at the kitchen table studying, Kelley studying speech language pathology and me studying graduate physics. Of course, we distracted each other from time to time, but that was part of the fun of it all.

On weekends, we would drive to the dollar movie theater in Knoxville and sneak candy into the movie. Back then, the first run movies would move straight to the dollar movie theater, so we could see relatively new movies every weekend. For less than $5, we had a great date.

The biggest thing about our first year of marriage was that we simply wanted to be together. After dating long-distance for over 2 years, it was amazing to have my best friend and new bride finally living with me. I didn't have call her long distance or drive 6 hours to see her...she was right there each and every day.

Because we were committed to Christ in our marriage, we desired to wait until marriage to be physically intimate...which was honestly a very difficult 2 years leading up to our marriage. We made it to our wedding night, but it wasn't easy. It was only with the help of the conviction of the Holy Spirit and prayer we made it there. It was definitely worth the wait.

I still think that our first year of marriage was one of the best years of my life, and it was, without question, the best year of my life up to that point.

We had no money, lived in a tiny run-down apartment, studied virtually every day, and searched for spare change in the cushions of the couch so we could go to McDonald's...which was for me...paradise. I was finally together with my best friend and the love of my life....what more could I really ask for?

The Best 20 Years of My Life

Twenty years ago this fall, I was a sophomore in college attending Memphis State University (now the University of Memphis). I was very active in all of the Christian groups on campus including RUF, BCM, Campus Crusade, and, my favorite, BREAK. BREAK was an interdenominational Wednesday night worship experience hosted by First Evangelical Church in Memphis. This was a fun night filled with great music, good speaking, excellent food, and lots of time to meet new people.

While I had dated a number of girls in college, most of these relationship had never developed past a good friendship. In every case, something essential was lacking in the connection of the relationship. Not enough common interest, not enough physical attraction, differing spiritual viewpoints all helped me come to a point of frustration with dating in the fall of 1989.

It was duing this time that I met this beautiful brown eyed girl at BREAK. After a few conversations, I came to a quick conclusion. This girl was out of my league!! She was tall (taller than me), stunningly beautiful, had a killer smile, and was good around people. Even though we spent time talking each week, I never asked her out because I never dreamed she would be interested in a 5'9'' 120 pound math/science geek who had a terrible complexion who lived on the other side of the tracks from her.

A friend who attended BREAK with me each week, started trying to convince me that this girl was interested in me. I did notice that she was friendly and flirty towards me and would wait for me to sit down so she could sit near me. We started talking more each week and I learned that she planned to go to the Air Force Academy top become the first female fighter pilot. I also learned that she was only pretending to be in college and was actually a high school senior at a local Christian school ECS. Honestly, I wasn't excited about this and didn't see the point of pursuing a relationship with someone who had no interest in having a family or being in church ministry. So I pushed her to the back of my mind. Yet, each week that we would talk and get to know each other better, I couldn't help being very interested in her.

Finally, there was one BREAK left that semester and I decided since I may not even get to see her again, I would ask her out and and at least I would know how she really felt about me. Little did I know, she made the same plans to ask me out if I didn't ask her. I used one of my classic safe lines...

"Are you going out with your boyfriend this weekend?" (If she says yes, I can say, "Really, tell me about him." and I haven't been rejected)

This girl aswered, "I don't have a boyfriend." to which I replied, "would you like to go out with me?"

So there it was...our first date was finally set. I called the her next night to set up our plans and we went out on our first date Friday December 1, 1989.

Our first date was simple...walk the Hickory Ridge Mall, get ice cream, see a movie. I picked her up at about 7:30pm and met her mother for the first time. Interesting.

That first date was magic. My love affair with this girl, Kelley Osteen, exploded into bloom on that very first night. I unashamedly admit that I kissed her quite a few times on this first date and have been kissing her every day since. Since we had been getting to know each other for months, this first date was more like a "finally!" date. The connection was immediate...she was smart and could have great conversations (even about physics), she was a conservative Christian who shared my passion for Christ (though in a different way), she was beautiful (I mean really beautiful)...I am not sure what she wanted with me, but I wasn't going to ask too many questions.

The next night, Kelley was baby-sitting and called me around 9pm. We talked through the night until 7am. That was enough for me. From that weekend on, Kelley was my pursuit. I never dated anyone else after that first date. Without a doubt, finally asking Kelley out was one of the best and most important decisions of my life.

That year, I took Kelley to her Valentine Formal....

her senior prom, and all the other exciting high school stuff seniors do. After graduation, she moved 6 hours away to attend the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. That summer before she started college, I asked her to marry me when I graduated from college two years later.

For the next two years, before the age of cell phones, we ran up over $2,500 of phone bills and drove back and forth across the state several times a month.

Finally, on June 20, 1992. I married Kelley Osteen at Bellevue Baptist Church in Memphis TN. We were 21 and 20 years old.

Today, we have been married over 17 years and have 6 beautiful children together so far. Our life together is amazing.

But it all started on a cold December night 20 years ago. Everyday since has added up to be the best 20 years of my life.